Surviving the Winter Blues: Why Moms Need Each Other More Than Ever
Trying to survive the winter blues? Fostering connection and community with other moms can help! Here are the first steps to get started:
A Back Story
The Christmas season was over and the long stretch of winter loomed in front of us. We had just moved to a new town and knew no one. Yet I was determined to make growing in community a priority.
The winter blues: A personal history
In years past, the winters could be isolating. The hassle of getting all the kids bundled up stifled the excitement of getting together with friends.
Then, when the inevitable sickness overtook the house, there was no hope of even a friendly visit to brighten the dark, winter days.
It didn’t take long before the dreaded feeling of loneliness made its presence known and clouded the already darker days.
What’s even worse, I would start to question the integrity of those friendships. Were they just being nice? Did they really care?
After our move, I knew that I couldn’t let this to be my reality anymore. I set out to make building a community a priority.
We are made for community
From the very beginning, in the second chapter of Genesis, we were created to live in community – in relationship with others. God made Adam and Eve to live in communion with Him and with one another. “It is not good for the man to be alone,” Genesis 2:18.
So often we yearn for those type of relationships. To live in communion with others – to share our experiences, dreams, joys, and sorrows. As well as to relate with others in their experiences, dreams, joys, and sorrows.
At the core of this yearning is the fundamental desire to know and to be known, to love and be loved.
The need for community to beat the winter blues
We need one another.
Even the most simple words or actions can brighten the dreariest of days: a quick text to “just check in,” a surprise cup of coffee at our door step, a genuine smile that immediately fills you with joy and gratitude.
It’s those little things that remind us that we’re not alone in a world that feels more and more isolating.
However, instead of actually relating with others, we end up on our couches, phone in hand, watching all of the picture perfect friendships on IG and lamenting our own lack of genuine friendship and community.
The perspective shift
When my kids are at odds with themselves or a sibling I ask them, “who can you control?” Their answer, “me.”
As adults, it’s easy to forget that the same applies to us. While we may yearn for someone to be there for us, our yearning is not going to make it happen. Oftentimes we have to be the ones to take that first step.
This can look like inviting another mom over for a playdate and some coffee. It can be joining a moms’ group and making those meetups and priority. It could be sending that uplifting text or making that impromptu coffee run.
These things take time
However, one of the most important things to remember is that relationships are not built in a day. They take time and dedication… And that’s okay!
Each interaction is like another drop in a bucket. The first few drops or so are agonizing to watch. However, slowly and surely, the bucket begins to fill up.
A year later: Beating the winter blues
Can I tell you that I have developed bosom friendships and a tightknit community? No, but we’re getting there.
After a year of developing friendships and finding my place in this community, I still have my struggles. The ugly demons of self-doubt, insecurity, and abandonment still like to rear their ugly heads. They want me to second guess the friendships I am forming and place doubt in my mind that I will ever feel like I am truly a part of a safe, tightknit community again.
Yet, this time, I’m not giving in to those whispers. This time, I continue to move forward, I continue to serve, I continue to show up.
Self-pity won’t get any of us anywhere. Discouragement will only pull you down faster.
So I encourage you to reach out.
Send a quick text to a mom you know and just say hi. Then go ahead and get a date on the calendar to get together. Yes, there’s a chance that it will have to be re-scheduled, but that’s okay. It’s worth it. It’s amazing what those simple connections do for the soul – for both of you.
This was a very encouraging and challenging post! I love how you talked about your own personal experience and how important it is to be intentional in developing relationships with others.
Thank you!
This is very deep and thought provoking. I know that having friends to rely on is so important. Thanks for sharing this!
Thank you! Yes – definitely something to ponder.
This is so timely. I’ve definitely been feeling the winter blues. This inspired me to invite a friend to hang out tomorrow. Thank you for writing this!
Aww… yay! I hope you and your friend had a wonderful visit.
I believe this so much! After a couple weeks of sickness in my family and missing some of my mom dates, I realize just how important they are, especially in the winter. Thank you!
It’s so true! I hope you are feeling better!