Building Friendships During the Holidays
Building friendships was supposed to be easy. This was the thought of 20 something year old me as a young wife and mother. I thought that I should be able to meet new moms and their kids, get along well with them, and their husbands should be able to get along well with my husband.
While there are a few treasured friendships that do fit that ideal, I’ve found that this is not usually the case. Yet, that doesn’t mean that it’s impossible or hopeless. It does mean that we may have to shift our perspective on what building friendships with other families might look like.
Perspective shifts around building friendships with other families
Friendship building is a slow process
In our world of instant gratification, we want to know who our true friends are and we want to know now. But that’s not how friendships work. Building friendships happens over time. You learn how to communicate, who to trust, and how to work to understand one another’s differences (and differences of opinion), etc. Friendship is something that can’t be rushed. We need to honor the time that it takes to build a true friendship.
You can build family friendships one person at a time
Wouldn’t it be great to get together with another family and every single person just click?! Unfortunately, that rarely happens, but it doesn’t mean that your families can’t be friends. You will find that there will probably be someone in each family that doesn’t jive as well with the others, and that’s okay. Work on building friendships with one family, or even one or a few people from each family at a time.
This is especially true when it comes to our husbands. Moms and kids naturally seem to come together in various ways, but getting our husbands involved and together is a whole other animal. These relationships may take a little longer because of the decreased ability to get together.
Yet, even as moms, get togethers with our kids and other moms and their kids isn’t always the best place for true friendship building – you know, the deeper kind. Both spouses can support one another in building friendships by building “friend time” into the schedule for each and encouraging evenings or Saturday mornings out with friends.
Invite, invite, invite
Never underestimate the power of inviting others into your home. It doesn’t matter what the size of your home is or what type of aesthetic you have, you can invite other families over. Inviting another family over 1:1, is a great way to build friendships. The kids get to run off and play, and the adults get to hang out amidst it all.
Building friendships is a priority for specific seasons of life
There will be seasons of your life where building friendships is going to be a bigger priority. Big moves, new towns, different stages in life, or lack of local friends, are all going to be times when you will have to put a bigger effort into building new friendships.
Then you will have other seasons where you will spend less time getting to know new friends and more time maintaining those friendships you already have. When you get to this point, don’t let the fact that you have friends keep you from reaching out new families that come into your area. You never know how you might bless them, and even yourself be blessed, by being a friendly face in a new place.
Friendships won’t grow if you don’t put in the effort
With our overpacked schedules, it’s easy to turn down invitations to community building events. Once upon a time, it was these community building events that helped foster friendships. Now we are so busy with sports, extracurriculars, personal projects, and even our phones, that these events end up not being part of our lives.
I get it. There’s a lot going on, and many times community related events feel homemade and cheesy. But that’s the point. It’s not about how amazing the actual event is; it’s about the people that are there or could be there if we all put a little more effort into going.
The holidays are a great and very natural time to work on building these friendships.
We are surrounded by themes that focus on thankfulness and joy. It’s a beautiful time to help spread that joy to others!
Even so, there is also a tendency to over-do it as I talked about in How to Keep Holiday Stress Low with Daily Rhythms and Routines. Part of building friendships include setting boundaries, and that means having boundaries even for yourself and what you and your family are able to do. You don’t have to bend over backwards and please everyone in order to be a good friend or to build friendships.
- Set your boundaries.
- Determine what realistic friendship building activities would be best for your family right now.
- Then move forward and adjust as necessary.
10 activities for building friendships with other families during the holidays
1. Invite another family to brunch after Church
You can have brunch at your home or meet at a local restaurant. At home, this can be accomplished relatively cheaply and easily. Have some breakfast casseroles ready to go in the oven, or do a simple scrambled eggs with bacon or sausage.
2. Host a hot chocolate or apple cider party
You could go all out with a bunch of extra “fixin’s” for your drink: candy canes, marshmallows, whipped cream, cinnamon sticks, etc. Or you can keep it simple with just a hot drink, a plate of cookies and good company.
3. Host a holiday movie night
Hang a white sheet on a wall and use a projector to play a movie, or have everyone pile on the couch in front of your living room TV. Then pop some popcorn and play one of the classics!
4. Bake cookies with another family
I remember doing this as a kid. We had flour on our faces and in our hair, but our smiles lit up the room. Decide if you will make just one kind of cookie or multiple, gather your supplies, and have fun! Bonus points if you then distribute the cookies to give to the neighbors.
5. Invite another family over for a playdate
Simple playdates are wonderful any time of year, but can sometimes get forgotten in all the hustle and bustle of the holidays. Don’t forget to reach out and invite!
6. Make a family decision to go to more community related events and invite one or two other families to go along with you
The only way to grow community and build friendships is to actually show up. Make a greater effort this year to check out some of your community events, and bring along a friend or two!
7. Go out with other moms for an evening, then encourage your spouse to go out with other dads
It’s so important to be able to have time with other moms without the kids. It helps foster deeper conversation and connection. Spouses can support each other by providing opportunities for this to happen. One goes out, one stays with the kids, then the other takes a turn.
8. Get a babysitter and do something fun with another couple or other couples
It’s great being able to get together as just moms or just dads, but there is something extra special when couples are able to hang out together. I truly believe this helps create stronger friendships between families. Make some room in your budget for a babysitter, reach out to a friend, and get this on the calendar!
9. Invite another family over to help decorate the tree
Decorating the Christmas tree can be such a simple activity in and of itself, but is made extra special when we share it with others. Here I can sometimes struggle with if this should be just a family activity or not. Yet, I know that inviting others in to our simple family activities allows us to step outside of ourselves. It truly helps foster that spirit of giving and joy.
10. Band together with a few other moms and help clean/prepare one another’s homes for the holidays
I can hear it now, “I don’t want anyone to come clean my messy house!” I know you don’t. Do it anyways. Let down the walls of your insecurity, and let others in. Foster the friendship by first being willing to trust. The reward is much greater than the risk. Then you can return the favor by helping her with her home. Someone just has to take that first step.
Whatever you choose, don’t forget to have fun!
There can be a tendency to look at building friendships as another item to add to your to-do list. Resist that tendency and aim to take each friendship one step at a time. There is no one keeping count. Focus on the person that you are with. Focus on the person that pops into your mind. Focus on the person you haven’t thought of in a while. Focus one at a time. Soon you will look back and realize how each moment has woven itself into a beautiful tapestry of friendship.
