How A Mother’s Rule of Life Improved my Motherhood

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Did you know that I once discerned the religious life? That journey is actually what eventually led me to seek out A Mother’s Rule of Life. When I was 12, I wrote to many different orders of religious sisters to learn about their communities. While they all did so many wonderful things for others, I was especially drawn to Mother Teresa’s order, The Missionaries of Charity.

At 18 years old, I completed one week of a two-week “Come and See” visit with them before heading to college. While I ultimately didn’t end up taking that path, I fell in love with the simplicity of their way of life. By simple, I don’t mean that their lives weren’t full of challenges. However, there was a steady, simple rhythm to their days. Mother Teresa made sure that her sisters had time to spend with our Lord, time to serve the poorest of the poor, and even time to rest.

A Life Centered on God

“To be able to give life like that, our lives are centred on the Eucharist and prayer.” (Quote from Loving Jesus, edited by Jose Luis Gonzalez-Balado)

The Missionaries of Charity spend many hours in service, but they never forget who sustains them in their service—Our Lord. As moms, we also spend many hours in service, and our Lord also asks us to lean on Him in it. He wants to sustain us!

While maybe not to the same degree, our lives can also be centered on the Eucharist and prayer. Going to church at least weekly, taking advantage of opportunities for Eucharistic Adoration and Confession, and making time for some kind of daily prayer are all ways we can do so. This can be easy to over-complicate, but it can be simple. Ask God to show you how He is asking you to put Him first, keep your heart open, and just see what happens.

A Life of Service

“After Mass and breakfast, some Sisters go to the Home for Dying Destitutes, some to the leper colonies, some to the little schools we have in the slums, some take care of the preparation and distribution of food, some go to visit needy families, some go to teach catechism, and so on… We can work as many as ten or even twelve hours a day in service to the poor.” (Quote from Loving Jesus, edited by Jose Luis Gonzalez-Balado)

As mothers, we don’t have the ability to come and go as we please from our service, but that’s what makes this kind of service so special. It is what sets motherhood apart.

The Missionaries of Charity embrace their service wholeheartedly. As their website states, their mission is love in action: “Being close to people’s heart with love, compassion and understanding, ever ready and willing to serve and reach out a helping hand to the ‘poorest of the poor,’ with cheerfulness.” Isn’t that what we are called to too, as mothers?

Still Taking Time to Rest

Outside of prayer time, the Missionaries of Charity take 30 minutes to rest, followed by spiritual reading, and then tea time. I remember being so struck by this as a Come and See-er. They literally took a nap in the middle of the day! As a mom who needs naps—especially in pregnancy—I appreciate this so much!

Motherhood is exhausting work—physically, mentally, and spiritually. Just as the Missionaries of Charity take time to rest, it is important to allow time for rest in our busy life as well. In our go-go culture, it’s easy to feel guilty for taking time to rest, yet it’s so needed and important. You may not need a nap, but maybe allow yourself to slow down and drink a cup of coffee or tea while snuggled next to your kiddo on the couch. Take out a piece of paper and do a quick brainstorm on what restful things you can do (or not do) in your own home—in your vocation as a mother.

A Mother’s Rule of Life Taught Me How to Prioritize with the 5 P’s

In A Mother’s Rule of Life, Holly Pierlot tells a story of how a priest introduced her to the concept of the 5 P’s (priorities) of married life.

The 5 P’s as stated in A Mother’s Rule of Life

In order, the five priorities are Prayer, Person, Partner, Parent, Provider. The priest explained to Holly that these priorities were non-negotiable and that they must be followed in a specific order.

The 5 P’s help you order your life well

Our God is a God of order, and the order of the 5 P’s is important. I see the disorder happen a lot when it comes to the two P’s of Partner and Parent. So often, a mom will begin to put all her time and attention into her children and fail to also keep her husband a priority in her life.

This can be so detrimental to family life. When spouses don’t take time for one another, the marriage starts to falter. If the marriage falters, then the children start to feel less secure. However, when the priority of Partner is kept first, then the kids can feel safe and secure because of the love that is apparent between their parents.

The 5 P’s help you structure your day

When you make the intentional decision to order your life according to the 5 P’s, daily decision-making and planning becomes so much easier. Schedule in time for God and your spouse. Make sure that you are taking time to eat with the kids instead of just their scraps (or that their scraps actually give you proper nourishment). Better discern how to balance raising your kids with the other responsibilities that you have in your life.

You can learn how to directly apply the 5 P’s to your daily life with The Intentional Day Blueprint. Check it out here!

How I Apply It to What I Currently Do and Teach

Many years have passed since I first sat down with A Mother’s Rule of Life, yet I still hold on to much of what I learned from it—especially the 5 P’s.

My version of the 5 P’s

If you’ve gone through The Intentional Day Blueprint or downloaded my Free Guide to a More Organized Day, you’ll notice that I include a version of the 5 P’s. What you see in these resources is how I’ve internalized these priorities of motherhood: God, Self, Spouse, Children, and Responsibilities. The basic premise remains the same but shaped in a way that I’m able to apply to my own life. Maybe it will do the same for you.

Embracing the five main priorities of a Christian mother

As I mentioned previously, disordered or improper priorities can wreak havoc on a mother and her family. There are so many wonderful things, events, people, and places that can take our attention. Yet, as Christian mothers, we have a special calling regarding where we put that attention.

• God: Above all, we are Christian—God calls us to Himself first.
  
• Self: Prioritizing self may seem strange to some mothers, but this simply means ensuring your basic needs are met. When a mother is nourished and well-rested (yes, I see the irony), she becomes a better mother.
  
• Spouse: Most of us were spouses before we were mothers. Let us not forget our husbands in our desire to mother well. Children naturally thrive in a loving marriage. (Disclaimer: This is not a slight on single mothers, divorced mothers, or mothers who are struggling with their spouse.)
  
• Children: Prioritizing our children is not merely about what we do for them. It’s about recognizing that they have eternal souls entrusted to our care.
  
• Responsibilities: This includes anything from a job to housework to outside commitments. Keep in mind, just because something is good doesn’t mean it’s yours to carry—or yours to carry right now. Discern these responsibilities with your other priorities in mind.

These ordered priorities serve as a guide for decision-making and right perspective in all areas of motherhood.

As you become more accustomed to thinking in terms of these five priorities, you will start to notice a shift. First, there will be a shift in your ability to make decisions that serve your family well. While before you may have felt that you had to choose between two goods, now you have a way of discerning which is the better good. Second, there will be a shift in your overall perspective on life. Ordering your life well doesn’t mean that your life will be without challenges. You will still have many of the same challenges to face. However, you will notice a deeper sense of hope and peace despite the challenges.

For a quick look at an example SAHM schedule that applies these five priorities, download A Mother’s Guide to a More Organized Day.

Progress Over Perfection.

Motherhood is hard, but the 5 P’s help reduce the mental load by giving structure to your daily rhythm and everyday decisions. As you begin to apply the 5 P’s, don’t expect perfection. It will be messy—especially at first. There will be times when you still find that you prioritized something “wrongly.” That’s okay. The point is to do your best with where you are, who you are, and what you know. It’s about taking it one step at a time and getting back up whenever you feel like you’re failing. Complete perfection rarely exists for most of us on this side of heaven. Above all, don’t forget to keep God first. Lean on Him, and He will strengthen you.