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Loading the dishwasher just a moment ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. The words were flowing freely through my mind as I prepared this post for you. Now my mind is almost blank, trying to snatch at those well-formed and uplifting sentences that filled my brain. Such is life. Here goes…
It all started on a trip to the library. I had a book waiting for me, Michael wanted to play, and I still had 30 minutes before the older kids needed to be picked up from school. We went.
The book on hold was titled “Financial Recovery” by Karen McCall.
All of my married life, I’ve been looking for ways to bring money into our home to help with the needs of our growing family, while still staying true to our values. This is what led me to Network Marketing with Young Living Essential Oils and to blogging – two things I could do from home and contribute to the family. But those things take time, and aren’t serving our immediate financial needs, even though they are contributing to the greater welfare of our family in other ways. That’s a story for another time though.
We’ve read and listened to Dave Ramsey and love what he has to offer, but it still wasn’t addressing specific financial issues we were having. You know, sometimes you need some financial recovery before you can have financial peace (see what I did there?). I don’t remember what article directed me to this book, but it definitely sounded right up my alley!
You know a book is good when it has you in tears – even better if it’s a self-help book. This isn’t a book review – I haven’t even finished it yet, but it has already been so powerful for me that I needed to share it with you.
Financial Recovery starts out by going over the internal issues we have surrounding money, and even other areas of life. It helps you break down your current emotions and habits in such a way as to help you have a better understanding of what’s going on on the inside. It isn’t until you have that awareness that you can really make any headway on the external factors.
You’ve probably heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs. Karen McCall uses it as she explains the difference between a need and a want, and how one person’s want can truly be another person’s need. As I was reading, I decided to take a look at Maslow’s pyramid and see how it stacked up in my life. I think the last time I looked at it was in college, so my brain was a bit fuzzy.
I didn’t expect to be tears half way up the pyramid.
….at the need for Love and Belongingness.
I realized this is probably where most of my issues lie. Not just financial issues, but life issues. I’ve never had a great amount of self-esteem. Lately it’s been difficult to even keep from self-sabotage. If you take a look at the pyramid, you’ll see that self-esteem comes after the love and belonging needs are met.
It may be easier to understand how I still don’t feel like I belong in our current area, even after 7 years of living here. I’ve gotten closer at times, but then something happens outside of my control that sends me right back to feeling out of place, isolated, and alone.
What’s harder to understand, is how I have almost always had this “love need” when I’ve always been surrounded by a very loving and affectionate family, and good friends.
Going back to my childhood, I had a very close relationship with my maternal grandmother. On my 5th birthday, she passed away from lung cancer. As an adult and even growing up, I knew she didn’t abandon me. But my 5 year old self couldn’t process that, and it’s remained buried for decades. Who knew that something so seemingly obscure, could cause so many issues?
But now I can move forward…
I’m not sure exactly what that’ll look like, but I will continue the process of self-discovery and healing in order to do so.
This post may have not have been quite what you were expecting.
But I hope that you found it helpful. If you are doing “everything right,” and still find yourself struggling with your finances or even another area of life, I encourage you to check out this book from your library. Those first four chapters (and beyond), may be just what you need to read as well.
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