You Are Not Defined by Your Motherhood Mistakes
In a Hurry? Here is the Quick Takeaway:
As moms, it is easy to get caught up dreaming about the future or feeling consumed by the pressure to build a certain lifestyle. Looking back, letting distraction replace presence can feel like one of our biggest motherhood mistakes. But God’s grace is bigger than our regrets—discover why your past mistakes don’t define you, and how to give yourself permission to start fresh in the precious present today.
With only my 8-month-old for company in the back seat, I had an opportunity to sit with my thoughts and bring them to the Lord one recent afternoon. Do you process out loud with God? Maybe it’s weird, but I always find it helpful to just spill my guts out to Him out loud when I can. I mean… the baby wasn’t judging.
My brain was going through a whole series of thoughts. In rapid succession, I was thinking about our dreams, praying for more, and then feeling guilty because God has already provided so much. Those thoughts eventually brought me to a different level of gratitude.
When my older children were younger, I spent a lot of time dreaming about where I wanted to be. Looking back, I recognize this as one of my biggest motherhood mistakes. I felt like we were on some kind of imaginary clock, and that time would be wasted if those dreams weren’t realized while my older children were little. That clock made it feel like I had a deadline, which made every decision seem desperate.
Like many others, I pursued various business opportunities trying to bridge the gap between our income and the income I thought we needed to live the life we wanted to live. I would spend hours working on my business and then be distracted by thoughts about my business when I was with the kids and not actively working.
I lived from a place of distraction instead of presence, and I let it consume me. Yet, instead of all my dreams coming true, as Disney so often promised, what I had to show for it was burnout and guilt. Okay… not really ALL I had to show for it. I did learn valuable skills that have continued to serve me well, but I could have still learned those things without getting consumed by what I was doing.
In the car, a thought I’ve been returning to lately came back to me. I don’t want to spend so much time looking at what I wish was different, that I miss what is happening right now.
We Are Not Defined by Our Motherhood Mistakes
Looking back on my earlier years of motherhood, I know there were moments when I seized the present and did fun things with the kids. But more often than not, I was dreaming of the season when things would be a little easier. I often felt overwhelmed by the day-to-day life in front of me (some seasons more than others), and I let that overwhelm affect how I responded to my children.
This doesn’t mean that I’ve figured it all out and am perfect now. I’m not. Just ask the kids! I still have moments when life gets overwhelming and I snap, but I thank God that it’s not the same level of struggle that used to haunt me.
With my older kids especially, I’m still learning. I will always be a new mom with them because each milestone is something I’m encountering with my own children for the first time. Every new stage brings experiences I haven’t navigated before. Having eight children doesn’t mean I’ve seen it all. It just means I get to continue learning how to parent each individual child as they grow.
It also means I get the opportunity to learn from my motherhood mistakes and make amends where necessary. Mess up, apologize, strive to do better. It’s important for us to acknowledge our mistakes and make amends, but it’s also important for our children to see us do so. Those actions teach them more than anything we could possibly tell them.
There Is Still Time to Begin Again
As I sat in the car with my youngest child, I realized that I still have nearly 18 years of childhood ahead with him and the opportunity to do better. That goes for each of them. I also realized that my time with my older children isn’t over, and their earlier years weren’t a waste, even though our life hadn’t unfolded the way I dreamed.
I had started attaching certain outcomes to a particular setting, as though the life I envisioned was the only way to give my children the childhood I wanted for them. I wanted to be able to just send them outside to get out some energy and grow up doing honest farm work daily, especially the boys. Certain social media accounts can make it feel as though, if they don’t have a specific life experience, they’re not going to grow into responsible young men, even though no one explicitly said that.
We have to be careful what we allow ourselves to believe about our own lives. God has a plan and purpose for each season, even when we don’t understand why things unfold the way they do. He sees the bigger picture in a way that we simply cannot. That realization has helped me give my regrets about the past to Him and worry less about them. Are You Carrying More Than God Asked You To?
The truth is, we’re all still here.
There is still time in each moment to build relationships, create memories, and do things differently. You and I don’t need to be defined by our motherhood mistakes or our regrets about the years when our children were younger. It’s funny because I was just telling my daughter something similar recently. All of life is learning. We get to choose to learn and move forward.
Don’t Lose Sight of the Life You’re Living
We still have big dreams for the future, but that doesn’t mean that we lose sight of the present. We can approach each day with gratitude, yes, even the messier moments of life. It doesn’t reduce the reality of the challenges that we face, but it can help make the load feel a little lighter.
Regardless of what our dreams are, the present is the here and now. And it is PRECIOUS and worth embracing!
We want to be able to afford a larger house and land, but I can be thankful for the abundance of friends and family God has given us. I don’t want to have to worry about a tight budget week, but I am so thankful that God has blessed us abundantly through our Faith. The list goes on…
Give Yourself Permission to Begin Again
You aren’t defined by your past motherhood mistakes. We all make them. I feel like every generation wants to “do better” than their parents, but the truth is, most of us are trying to do the best that we can. Like I told my daughter, let it be a learning experience and strive to do better next time. What a beautiful lesson to teach and model for them!
If you’re like me and have spent a lot of time dreaming of the “someday,” your dreams aren’t wasted. But you may want to assess how much of your mental space you’ve been giving to them. Have they become the thing you base your life around instead of what God is calling you to right now?
Remember, while we have to keep things in their proper place, that doesn’t mean that you can’t hope and pray for something different. Just don’t forget to have gratitude for today as you hope for the future.
We don’t have to have everything figured out. We don’t have to undo yesterday or have tomorrow figured out. We simply have to keep turning toward God and faithfully responding to what He’s asking of us today. You can live out each moment, faithfully seeking His will right where He has planted you!
