Are You Carrying More Than God Asked You To?

Responsibility vs Control as an overwhelmed christian mom

The Mental Load of a Christian Mom

You remember it all… or at least try to. The birthdays, individual needs of the kids (physically, mentally, and spiritually), that question that both you and your husband still need to make a decision on, groceries, making sure the house is clean, etc. – each item taking up space in your overflowing brain. 

But that’s just the surface. You’re also trying to read and balance the emotions of those around you. If someone isn’t happy, then there must be something you can do to make it better. It’s your job to make it better – for those within your home AND without. 

Because, if you don’t carry it all, then who will? And what will “they” think of you if you don’t?

Since when did that become the status quo? When did you start believing that being a good mother, wife, and friend meant that you were supposed to carry everything? For your own home and family, and for those around you?

Stewardship vs Control for the Overwhelmed Christian Mom

It often starts because we do have real responsibilities to our families and to those around us. But over time, the boundaries between what is and isn’t our responsibility can become blurred. Often, we confuse what God asks of us with the ideals or expectations we’ve placed on ourselves. 

The whole reason we even have responsibilities is because of the gifts He has given us. The gift of children, a husband, friends, family, etc. Gifts that he asks us to steward well. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines stewardship as, “the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one’s care.” (source) However, instead of exhibiting true stewardship for what we have been given, we end up trying to control them.

For instance, you are responsible for feeding your children nourishing food. You may also have an ideal of serving only organic, homemade meals. While that may be a wonderful goal, it isn’t the same as your responsibility. If striving for that ideal leaves you anxious, discouraged, or unable to faithfully fulfill your other responsibilities, you may be carrying more than God is asking of you in that season.

Understanding the Overwhelm in Christian Motherhood

This is where your faithful stewardship of your children’s health becomes something you’re trying to control. Oftentimes, this control stems from fear of some kind. Those feelings can be a good indicator that you’ve shifted from stewardship to control. When those feeling start to come up, ask yourself, “What are you afraid will happen if…”. 

The same can happen in our relationships. You may notice a friend in need and genuinely want to help. But wanting to help doesn’t automatically mean you are the one God is calling to meet that need – especially if doing so comes at the expense of responsibilities He has already entrusted to you. 

Even so, there are times when God does ask us to stretch beyond our ordinary responsibilities. In those moments, He isn’t asking us to chase an ideal. He’s inviting us into a particular calling for that season or circumstance. 

Carrying everything does not equal faithfulness. Faithfulness is saying yes to the things that God has entrusted to you in this season and discerning where He may be asking you to stretch. It’s knowing where your responsibilities are in any given situation, then stewarding them well without being fearful of a certain outcome. 

Is This Mine to Carry?

Honestly, I struggle with the need to carry it all often, but knowing that I do struggle with this is half the battle. In the last year or so, my husband and I had talked about taking something on in our parish. Really, it was my husband who was going to take it on and I was going to support him in it. 

This thing required us to go through the diocese youth protection program – something that takes a bit of time to do. Both of us were struggling to make the time to finish all of the requirements from it.

While I did end up finishing the required tasks before having the baby, my husband has been so busy at work that he has yet to do so. I had so many fears around what our priest thought of us and felt responsible for making sure that my husband completed the required tasks, but God showed me that I had to let those go. I was carrying something that wasn’t mine to carry.

Could you be taking on more than you are supposed to carry too? I invite you to take it to prayer. Ask yourself and God, “what am I carrying that God never asked me to carry?”