Saturday morning brought with it a sense of anticipation.
The kids were already up and playing in their rooms as I quietly made my way downstairs to take some time to pray and prepare before the start of our busy day. The plan was to go to my parents and get started on some of the spring chores – pruning trees and starting seeds. It would also be an opportunity for the kids to have a break from our small house and yard and spread out to play, run, and explore. Who am I kidding, it also serves as a break for me from the noise and my day to day responsibilities.
The week had been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I found myself needing to make a pivot in my business which required a lot of time to process. School routines were fluctuating due to snow days and water issues at the school. Life was just feeling very heavy, and a weekend at my parents with new distractions was a very welcome thought.
Then I got a call from my sister.
“You may want to call over there,” she said. “Mom and our sister aren’t feeling well.” Sure enough, they had a bad cold and our plans were postponed.
As I made eggs for me and my husband for breakfast, I broke into tears. “Lord,” I cried. “I’m trying so hard to do your will and to want what you want, but this feels so hard.”
My husband came up to me and asked what was wrong. Every discouraging thought and insecurity came rushing out of my mouth, while He listened patiently.
In full transparency, most of my Saturday was spent sitting on the couch resting, thinking, processing, and being. There were moments where I took care of things that needed to be done like cleaning the bathroom and making sure kids were fed, but most of the day was spent in rest.
It gave me time to process and give God all that was on my heart. It is surrendering over and over again my own wants and desires to His most sacred will. This surrender is a daily struggle – one that requires me to step outside of myself and to cling to God. It is saying yes to what is in front of me today, saying yes to changes in plan, saying yes to disappointments, saying yes and choosing joy.