What happens when God places a strong desire on your heart in your childhood, and then tells you to trust and have patience?
You kick, scream, whine, pull out your hair, and have a complete and total bad attitude. Oh… is that just me? Just kidding…. kind of.
I’ve always been a “Little House on the Prairie” kind of girl. My dream has always been to live on a small farm, have animals, and achieve some level of self-sustainability – though not always in so many words. Of course, I’ve always wanted a horse to be involved as well.
Growing up, I would have little projects going…. making curtains for my bedroom, working in the garden, attempting to design and plant my own version of a potager before I even knew what that was, learning to can a bit with my dad, and other random projects here and there. Our large backyard shed was where I would pretend to keep my horse and gather eggs, and our line of pine trees would be where I set up house and made dinner.
Finally my parents moved on to 22 acres when I was 15, but it would still be a few years before more farm-y type stuff would happen there. We tend to joke that my youngest sister (who was born a week or two after we moved in) has (almost) all I’ve ever wanted growing up.
Thankfully my husband shares my dream with me, or at least most of it. But even after being married 8 years, God’s still calling us to wait – we’re nowhere close to being able to afford even dirt at this point.
There are always so many questions… why Lord? What are you trying to teach me through this? Why have you placed this on my heart for so long if it’s never meant to be (or so it feels at times)?
All I want is land and space to raise my children, milk a cow, gather eggs, ride a horse, plant a garden, etc., be close to family, and be part of a vibrant, Catholic, homeschool community and parish at the same time. Is that too much too ask?
God just keeps saying, “Trust me and have patience.”
So I really don’t have an answer to my initial question other than “trust and have patience,” because that’s where we’re still at.
We’re taking steps as we feel God leading us onward, but where or how we’ll end up, we don’t know. Our earthly goals include having a homestead at some point, while our heavenly goals include forming our children for God. Please pray for us as we continue on this journey.
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