For many years after I became a mom, I felt so confused about my purpose in life.
I loved being a mom to my kids, but I felt guilty because I wanted to also do something more. I thought I was a bad mom and acting in an un-Christian sort of way in that desire.
Most of my life was spent chasing the dream of serving others as a nurse and through various mission and volunteer opportunities. Here I was in the midst of the greatest mission I could think of, raising my children, looking for a way out. Or at least that’s what I thought.
That thought wormed its way into every aspect of my life, and made me feel insecure in the decisions I made for my family. It left me confused as to what to focus on each day, and how to best meet my family’s needs. It even affected my ability to make friends, and is honestly still an area I’m working on healing.
I would blame much of my inability to decide, on our personal life circumstances
….lack of money, not knowing where we would live permanently, not having land, not being close to my family, etc. I was so focused on these things that were staring me right in the face, that I forgot to step back and consider the bigger picture. I wasted so much time worrying instead of looking for the joy that surrounded me. I forgot to consider that, just as a child goes through phases in his or her development, these too were phases in our own lives and yes, our spiritual development.
After many years, and by the grace of God, I did begin to see this truth.
While it will forever be a work in progress, I learned how to step outside of the immediate moment to consider how it played into God’s bigger plan, and I began to have a better picture of my purpose within this plan.
In Matthew 25, we read about the parable of the talents. I realized that I was acting much like the servant who buried his talent out of fear for what might happen to it. God is good and merciful, and he showed me that before it was buried too deep.
In this realization, instead of seeing the desires I had for my life and my family as sinful, I began to see them for the gift that they are. ….and I gave them back to God in humble confidence. I realized that my one small talent wouldn’t bear much interest on it’s own, but by the grace and mercy of God it would come back one hundred-fold. He wants to use the gifts He has given me for His glory!
Fully believing in this truth has helped me make confident decisions for my family based on our family values and trust in this plan that God has and has asked us to be a part of.
Do you also find yourself constantly worrying about all of the little things that go wrong in the day to day of your life?
What would it look like if you stood back to consider the bigger picture?