A Confession

I want to do it all! …but I have a confession

I can’t.

There. I said it. I know I can do anything I set my mind to… but everything at once? No.

Many days I feel like a bunny rabbit hopping from one thing to another, but all I’m doing is hopping in circles and achieving nothing.

I have big plans for our immediate and distant future, but I get so overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what I want to accomplish, that nothing ends up getting done. ….or very little.

Some days I feel like my dreams of having land and homesteading will never come to fruition. How am I going to manage that, if I can’t manage what God has already so generously bestowed upon us?

Then I remember…. What was the point of this blog in the first place? What is God trying to teach me?

All things have to be learned. The various skills I want to master: the techniques for cooking the food I want to make, the knowledge and skill that is needed for all the little projects I want to do inside and outside our home, and even how to care for the unique needs of each of my children.

However, there are two lessons that are learned amidst the rest that I can’t go without. Those are patience and trust in God.

These two lessons form the basis of all that needs to be learned, and will ensure that what I want to accomplish will happen.

I know that I need to rely on God and seek him out multiple times per day in my life. He wants me to go to him – He wants to be sought out.

However, He has also been working on another aspect of me – that is my pride. Going back to not being able to do it all: Yes, I need to ask God for His help and guidance, but I also need to be able to ask others for help.

I’m very much the type of person who just wants to do it herself – You know what they say: “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.”

However, I have to go past my pride and be willing to go to those around me to seek help. I’ve been learning how to accept help from others in my community and my family.

I have been blessed by women in my community who have come over to help out with the kids and who have helped with things like sorting out my children’s clothes. Little things, but big things because they were done in love.

I have been blessed by my parents who travel 5 hours one way to help me out and give me a break. I am 11 weeks pregnant, and this first trimester has been filled with nausea and exhaustion. To have my mom come up to help me out for a weekend allows me to take a moment to breathe, and be refreshed enough to tackle another week.

I have been blessed by my husband, John. He will let me spill my guts and let me tell him all that is on my mind and heart. He’s gotten very good at just listening and allowing me to talk it out. He also has been picking up my slack around the house this first trimester, and doesn’t complain about the state of the house.

There’s a season for everything. Although I’d love to be in a season where I could do more of the serving, and not have to accept the help and be (gasp) vulnerable, I know that this is necessary. Just as there are seasons throughout the year, there are seasons throughout life. They each have a purpose and each carry with it a lesson.

This season brings with it lessons of patience, trust, and vulnerability. I hope that I learn them well.

♥ Nicole